Monday, September 27, 2010

Tomorrow Comes Too Late

It's true!

It does.

Hasnt there been some time where you just wished that the day would end?
Yeah i bet you have.

Or some day which you thought that it would last forever because of something that you're doing?
Just wishing that it would finally be tomorrow so that whatever you're doing would finally be over.

Tomorrow doesn't necessarily have to mean the day after today though..

It can be for something which could take an extended period of time.

Like in my case,
2 months to go till im finally in my home country again.
With all my family.
I can't wait :)


Like when i was trying to figure out how to end my relationship,
It took so long i almost went crazy in the process.
But when "tomorrow" came, it ended pretty well.
Better than i expected actually.
I think im a genius by the way i ended it O.O
Never could've or would've turned out better.

What about when you know you're going to get in trouble.
But it doesn't happen straight away.
You wait and wait.
Wait some more, and you start going insane waiting for it.
You can't wait for tomorrow so the punishment can be served and you're finally over and done with it.

It's like those movies that you see, where someone sees their own death.
When the time comes they know that they'll die, and they go crazy trying to stop it or trying to figure out exactly when it's going to be.

In other more stereotypical movies, you see the main protagonist show up just in time to save the day or whatever.


What if they didn't get there in time?
You can imagine the possibilities of consequences.

Well that's what real life is like.

Imagine a war scene.
2 soldiers trapped on the top of a tower, defending the fort from all angles against countless waves of enemies.
They finally get some transmission.
"We'll be there at o four hundred"
If the soldiers can keep this pace they might survive till then.
Something about humans though.


Big problem.

Pace deteriorates very quickly when the human body is strained.
Worse for the mind.

They spend the Twilight hours fighting.

Finally reach Midnight.

They've fought for what feels like weeks.
What's worse.
They look at their watches.


And Again.

10 minutes have passed.

Ammo running low.
Spirits running low.

Speed deteriorating.


A quarter of what it was a couple of hours ago.

They know what's going to happen.
They know they won't survive.

A grenade flies in.

Neither of them have the strength to move anymore let alone through the grenade back.

Ever heard the phrase mind over body?

Both mind and body have surpassed their limits two-fold already.

One of the soldiers reaches into his pocket with unimaginable effort.
Pulls out a picture of his wife and his little boy.
His last thought.

"I'm sorry.
But tomorrow came too late.

Chau <3

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Reminder of You

Last night..

I found that necklace that you gave me once upon a time. That COG tag that also has the little dragon attatchment with it.

I remember you got that because you knew i liked asian things

I thought it was very thoughtful..

And then..


I remembered that you left a little message on it for me..

So i flipped it around and i saw it.

 I'll always
 Wuv you"

It was cute because i taught you "wuv"..
I was touched.

I spent close to an hour staring at it while my mind was wrapped in memories of a time passed.

When i finally came to, I realised many things..

One of which was, that.. to a certain extent..

I'll always Wuv you back.

Chau <3

Monday, September 20, 2010

Joint Shadows

Sharing a shadow, we look for strength from the bottom of our hearts,
I don't care, even if i fall or lose faith,
because i'm not alone.

The setting sun already starts to shine towards tomorrow.
Look at the shadow that connects our hands and lead us there.

When i see you looking down, it looks like you're crying.
Because you look so weak, straining your heart and holding it all in.

Throw all you have in your chest, and lets take a step forward.
Lets seek out a new you.
Don't worry, you don't have to hide anything.
I'll always be with you, and never let go of your hand.

Sharing a shadow, we look for strength from the bottom of our hearts.
I don't care, even if i fall or lose faith,
because i'm not alone.

The setting sun already starts to shine towards tomorrow

Chau <3

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Good Guy

But i am human you know.

It's only when you cross my line far enough that i snap.

Everybody hears rumours about me.

I've heard rumours about you. Your history with women. I better be carefulor i'll get my heartbroken is what they say.

And who did you hear that from exactly?

People that don't like me?

Or that know me the most.

Well have you gotten to know me?


I have a friend who used to be like that towards me.
Then the other day she said something that really made me feel human, like i wasn't JUST The Bad Guy.
She said, "Most people judge you without getting to know you. You're very mysterious, because on the outside you seem just like all the rest of them, but on the inside, you understand, you care, you notice, and you aren't a bad guy."

I was touched.

But.. i accept my fate.
I AM the bad guy.
You are right.
I just havn't found my place in this world yet, when i do though i'll be one of the best, to wherever and whoever, as long as the love, respect, and pride that i show towards you, it will be returned.

You know though..

You need people like me.
You need people like me to point your finger at and say, "That's the bad guy."
What does that make you then?



You just know how to hide.
You know how to lie.


I don't have that power.


I always tell the truth.
Even when i lie.

So say goodnight to The Bad Guy.

It's the last time you're ever going to see a bad guy like this, let me tell you.

Chau <3

The Bad Guy

I told you.

I said, im very good to my friends, but anyone who fucks me over, I WILL fuck you right back.

But someone that fucks me over after becoming my friend doesnt deserve getting let off just like that, which is why i warned, i can crush your self esteem.
I can study your soul.
Find the weak point.
and i will demoralise and shame you till theres nothing left of you but tears, regret, and that face which says, i shouldve listened.

You blame me for what happened.
It was your fault.

Ever heard of a little thing called encouragement?
It can be very good.

A mother encourages her child to make friends.
Now isnt that nice.

Too bad for you that you chose another type of encouragement.
The type that made me crush your very core.



Stay on my good side then.

Go make fun of me, i dont mind, i'll laugh with you.
But theres a certain point you cant cross.
You go anywhere near insulting my family, or my pride,
You'll know.

To be continued..

Right now..

In my next blog post.
Shall we say, my other side.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

11:11 hey..

I'm actually a somewhat supersticious person.

I believe.
Thats it.

I believe in ghosts.

Ofcourse i believe in ghosts..
They're just another word for spirits
And the spirits of all our loved ones will always be here,
Even if they are just in our hearts,
Or if they are acting as our guardian angels..
I believe.

I believe in monsters.

I believe in them


Not random green unhumanly shaped ones,
Ones that are human and cause havok, corruption, greed, etc..
I believe.

I believe in everything.

I dont neccessarily believe in 2012 but theres a hint of curiousity in my mind..

I did something that came as a shock to me today..
Whenever i see 11:11 out of impulse i wish for something,
Usually its something that i want.

Im a selfish asshole.

But, tonight i was thinking about you.

Last time it was 11:11 and i thought of you, i wished for you to be with me.

But tonight,,
I wished..

I wished that you would be happy and that someone will give you all you need and take care of you and show you love. Even if it isn't me.. I want you to be happy..

What do you know..
The wall around my heart is quivering and letting a little bit of love out.

I guess there still is a little bit of humanity in me after all..

Chau <3

That Fluttering Feeling..

That fluttering feeling.. :)

It happens when we share a moment.

It happens when we hug.

It happens when you compliment me.

It even happens when you say "♥"

And when i reply "♥"

It happens when i thnk of you.

It happens when you text me because you just want to say hi :)

All i know its that, you make the butterflies in my stomach flutter by :)

Chau <3

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Corrupted Steps of Passion

Don't be scared,
Don't be cowardly,
Because with confident steps
Comes action.

But be wary,
of these confident steps,
Because they can be corrupted
by Passion.

Rain, Hail, Moonlight Night,
It matters not the weather.
Say a month, Say tonight,
Because i'll be here Forever.

You never show up, to that spot,
Where we planned to meet that night,
But it matters not because I Love You
And i'll be here Forever.

I text and text, and you text back,
Leaving me with hope,
Hoping that i'm sure that i should,
Be waiting here Forever.

You start avoiding me soon after,
You don't return my calls.
But technology is not important,
Because i'll be here Forever.

So i'm in my death bed waiting for you,
Feeling all sorts of remorse.
I look up at the ceiling remembering,
That of a broken heart im the bearer.

You Gave me hope,
You Broke my Heart,
And then You Stole my Forever.

Chau <3

Friday, September 3, 2010

Stolen Identity

I appreciate that you look up to me like that
I kind of like that you think im that good that you would use my stuff

You're going too far..
You're stealing everything from me,
You aren't borrowing
You don't even ask.

You're stealing everything from me

My Phrases
My Observations
My Ideas
Even My Feelings.

These are parts of my soul.
They made me who i am
You're stealing my soul
You're erasing my existance
And if you're the new me,
Then i can't exist.
If i can't exist then i'm as good as dead.
I can already taste the bitter word on my tongue..


You're not borrowing.
You're stealing ME.


The Lone Wolf


Obviously since im writing, this must be me haha

Well youre right.

Ive had many girlfriends in the past, but none lasted more than 3 months.
If even a week.

Friends come and go, best friends stay forever.
Doesnt look like ive had that many best friends then, maybe 4..

Family. Lots of family.

I have 400 friends on facebook. I know 300 of them. Im friends with 200 of them. Im close with 100 of them.

Even with all of this companionship, no one really understands me..

Someone thats a close friend of mine didnt know one of the most important things about me until just recently, that id do anything for my friends, because they are the most precious people in my life.

No one understands, and i sometimes push people away, i dont like it when people get in my head or in my heart, because they can cause damage.

I saw a movie where the people were talking about crying..

It made me wonder when was the last time that i cried..

I remembered, it was when i first came to Australia because i didn't want to leave everyone behind.
That was when i just turned six.

After that, living with my mother and the countless crap that i went to,
I imprisoned my heart.

No one in,
No one out.

Not many people have gotten through since then,
And if they did, they stayed in for a very, very. long time.

I dont know, maybe im meant to have this kind of will power.
Maybe its meant for something good..

All i know is, right now,

I'm the Lone Wolf.

Chau <3