Friday, March 1, 2013

Seasons of change

Spring is born. Bright. Refreshing. Full of hope.

He grew and obtained information every second of the day
Learn to talk
Learn to walk
Learn to learn

Confusion occurs.
What is this?
They are yelling.
Is this fighting?


Don't hurt her.. please..

Don't ask questions?
My room.. I'll go to it.

High school comes along and the same feeling of popularity he had, is gone.
A scarcity of people surrounding him is new.
Too new.

Have to adapt..

Try to make friends.

I don't know these people. I can not make friends here. I will sit in the background and keep my mouth shut.

Years progress and it comes to late high school.
Popularity growing by the second. I know these people. I am friends with a lot of them. I will try to stand out.

Make a fool of myself. Once. Twice. Three times. They are over the stage of thinking I'm weird to the stage of just thinking I'm a fool. Perfect.

Summer comes along. Warm. Fierce. Strong. Confident.

He grew and obtained information every second of the day
Learn to talk to people properly
Learn to manipulate
Learn to get what you want

Virgin? Goodbye.

He used to remember the order and names of every girl he slept with.
He started to forget the order.
He progressed to forget names.
He continued and lost count of the number.

Who am I now?
I've built myself up to be this.. This machine.
A perfect machine that knows what he wants and how to get it and he will get it regardless because of manipulation.
I've become this machine and now. Who am I?
Where am I?

Why am I.

Years pass and he settles down. He becomes a little less machine and a bit more him again. Now that he has what he wanted, there is no need to continue that facade so blending the two in slowly will do.


Family starts to move.

One by one moving away from the area. From his friends. From what he knows.


Family member needs him. No choice.
Must leave.

Autumn comes along. Slow. Painful. Sad. Dull.

Goodbye friends, everyone means the world to me and I will miss every second of the day spent with all of you.

No reply.
No one cares.

Sadness occurs.
Loneliness ensues.
Depression follows.

He grew and obtained information every second of the day
Learn you can't trust anyone
Learn you have to do on your own
Learn how to deal with depression
Learn you will always be alone



Every day.

More things happen.

More depression responds.

Winter comes along. Cold. Dead. Unwilling.

Learn nothing.




Girl comes in.

He changes slowly.

Winter turns to Autumn.
Autumn turns to Summer.

Spring is born.

He learns.
You are not alone.
You are happy.
You have everything you've ever wanted.
And there is nothing material that will ever change your mind.

Take care of Spring.

Chau <3

Magic Camera

So I've arrived at that stage in my workout regime..

I'm no longer skinny, I'm comfortable with my body now, I've gotten bigger and enjoy receiving compliments and recognition for my efforts.

The thing is though.. I'm barely even half way through my potential. Not even. I'm a third of the way through. My motivation is starting to wane since I'm getting more comfortable.

I'm determined but unmotivated enough to not push myself as much as I used to and here is the point where I start to question myself. This is the point in time where I really wish I could have a magic camera. Now this may sound crazy but hear me out for a second.

If I had a time controlling camera that you take a picture of something and then with the camera you can use a program like editing software to view that same items in different times. You can view it in the past, in the future and also view what it would look like depending on the events that occurred.

This way I could take a picture of my comfortable self now and see what I look like in say 1 year if I just stay with my comfortable self, or 1 year if I actually feel like pushing myself and eating better and putting in the tremendous effort.

I mean sure, I can look at other people and see what they've achieved and think, "Ohh if I do this then I can achieve that"

Sure sure, but it's not the same as seeing myself in that position. Seeing what I become, and how different I am, and the comparisons. I guess essentially this is because I can relate to myself a lot more than I can with others (for obvious reasons).


Chau <3