:D

I just realized that 8 days ago was this blogs first birthday! :)

So, happy birthday blog!

You've been with me through my bad times,
my good times,
my awesome times,
and my fucked up times haha :P
I'll try to whine a little less and start talking about more positive things from now on haha :P

News-
I'm moving to Brisbane in 4 months,
Already bought the apartment,
Just need to move in :)

It's in a good town, near a beach and stuff :P
Any pretty girl want to come?

Anyone? lol

Damn. :P

Anyways again happy birthday to my blog and peace out my niggas :)

Chau <3

Living the dream? Or dreaming the nightmare?

Walking through the train station confused about what platform I should go to.

Platform Attendant.

Bingo.

I show him my pass and ask, "Sorry, where is this platform?"
As he points to his left i thank him and follow the direction of his finger.

I start walking towards the platform and i walk through a small maze of poles that were set up to guide traffic of people when it's busy. Only one guy in front of me walking through the maze. I notice some guys on the platform that seem dodgy so i slow down a little bit. One of them pulls out a gun slowly and the rest follow suit.

They point it at my direction and all i can think of is "Shit."
I try to play it cool and look at my ticket, as I stop i try to make it look like i was walking towards the wrong platform so i start to walk back the other way. I don't walk too fast because i know that they'll notice me and shoot me straight away. With the men with guns on my left I leave the small maze and start making my way to a short but tall passageway about 30 meters in front of me.

I hear a silenced handgun shot and a groan. A thump follows and i know that the guy that was walking in front of me before is now dead. I try to play it cool like i didn't hear anything and i start hearing more silenced rounds go off. The bullets are hitting everything to the direction they were pointing at except me.

I hear one go past my head but continue to ignore the actions around me. About 10 meters to the tunnel.
I continue my pace and pray that i don't get shot.

The guns stop shooting.

Footsteps running follow. Sounds like 3 men after me. 5 meters to the tunnel.
3 meters
1 meter

I turn into the corner and instantly drop my bag and start running for my life.
I follow the corridor the only way it goes.

Right

Left

Left

Right

Left

The footsteps are getting closer.

I see an exit sign and two doors to either side of it. the sign doesn't say which door but i know that if i take the wrong one ill be trapped. I take the door at the right. I get through and close the door behind me.

I turn around and see an old shabby apartment.

Wrong door.

Footsteps getting closer.

Too late.

I run into the apartment and run up the stairs. I run into the closest room.

Bathroom. Damn, i just can't catch a break.

Smallest bathroom i've ever seen. 1 m to both sides. Only room for a sink and the small 30 by 30 cm window behind it. All the lemon and cream coloured wallpaper is coming off, although it looks like it was kind of torn off. Everything is rusty and covered in grime, and the light is so bad that all it does is add to the crappiness of the room. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Shit.

I open the tap and splash some water on my face to try to help me cool down a little bit. I look up to the window and realise that the only thing behind it is cardboard and wood.

Suddenly blood starts dripping through the bottom of the window. Soon it starts flowing. I realise that the suppossed water that i had my hands under the whole time turned to blood. It spilled everywhere and covered me in it.

Suddenly the footsteps stop and a loud bang is heard from the door. Another loud bang. Another follows. It continues.

Then the last loud bang is the loudest of all. Splinters fly everywhere and the door comes crashing down at me.

Just before the door hits me, a blinding flash of white light appears and i wake up in a patch of grass.

I shift up on my elbows and realise that im in a large garden. Suddenly Edward from twilight walks in front of me wearing what looks to be like an englishman/golfers clothes. cream coloured suit pants. stripy bright shirt. yellow jumper draped over his shoulders with the arms tied in front of him.

He steps closer to me and puts his face about 40 cm's away from mine. Then his face suddenly splits into 3 with his skull one piece and the jaw spliting into two, and he roars at me with all his might. His face turns back to normal as he stands up looking pleased with himself.

I have a feeling that this is a dream so while still down I kick him straight in the testicles. Just as he bend over holding his prized jewels, the fearless warrior awakes from his slumber.

Chau <3

My dream

Fame...
Wealth...
Power...

These are common dreams with most people..
My dream is a little different though.

I only need to be famous to a few people.
I only need to be rich enough to maintain a few people comfortably.
I only need to be powerful enough to be respected by a few people.

They're my family.
By my family i mean my future wife and kids.
That's because they are my dream.

I don't need to run a country.
I don't need to be a billionare.
I don't need to be the leader of an organised crime association.

I just want a beautiful wife who greets me when i get home with a smile and a, "How was your day honey?"

When i go away for a trip even for just a week, before i leave i want her to hold me like im never coming back,
To just stand there in an embrace which i wish would go on forever but it would still feel too short,
And the last words i hear before i leave to be, "I love you."

I want someone who makes me feel special for who i am,
Instead of depressed for who other people are and how im not them.

I want her to love me unconditionally as i will love her the same.

I want to be proud to announce to my mates that she's my wife and i wouldn't care what anyone says about her because she'd be the most precious person in my life.

That is until the kids enter this world.
Thern they would all be the most precious people in my life.

I would love them unconditionally.

I would be proud of them for their achievements and show it with great exaggeration.

I wouldn't punish them for what they did wrong, i'd just be very dissapointed, but i know that if i raise them like I would, they would achieve greatness.

When they come home from a party at 3 in the morning that they weren't meant to go to and I catch them in the act i wouldn't rat them out to my wife, i'd ask how the party was and laugh about it with them.

If they get in trouble at school and i get called in i'd ask what they did, i'd probably laugh about it and i'd suggest that we keep it a secret from the mother. :P

But i wouldn't be all jokes..

If something happened to my wife or kids id try to put up a smile for the rest but i'd secretly be dying inside..

If any of them were in hospital i wouldn't leave the bedside until they did as well,
and if one of them died in front of me or in my arms I don't think i'd know how to react. I would probably stand there with an empty expression and i'd be a broken man..

But then again, I would do everything in my power to stop any of the bad stuff happening.

I'd give my life to save them.

Why?

Because they are my Love,


They are my Passion,


They are my Pride,


They are my Strength,


They are my Friends.


They are my Equanimity.


They are my Joy.


They are my Compassion.


They are my Dream.

Chau <3

WHY?! D:

Right when im on the verge of being prepared to give up all hope on you, you treat me like im everything!

It's just the one thing i need to know,
The one thing i've longed for,
The one thing i want.

THE ANSWER!!!

I want to know if you want me or not because im overthinking about you and its tearing me apart!
I want to know where i stand on this desolate plain, so i know if i go towards the light or the darkness.

I just need to know...

Chau <3





I hate loving you so much.. But I love you too much to hate..

It's so hard falling in love with someone who hardly could care less about you..

That person you think about every day and night..
That person you want to forget but can't..
That person you want to hate for not loving you back, but can't..

What happens when you tell them and they say its so sweet and blah blah blah but then just go back to the same old routine of pretending you dont exist.

Love is a bitch..
When you get it right it's wonderous, it's amazing, it's wonderful, it makes you so happy..
But that's only when it's shared.

If you are the only one in love, it hurts..
Rejection
Anxiety
Anger
Forced forgivenes..

I say forced because you don't really have a choice now do you?
No, because

a) They didn't really do anything wrong
b) You only made yourself angry by overthinking
c) Love is a forceful bitch.

Is it god who made me love you?
Is it just my animal instinct?
Or is it that we are a perfect match although you can't see it..?

I guess i can understand though..
Must be hard to even WANT to love someone who is on the other side of the world right?

Ehh.. This sucks.

 

Chau <3

Waiting

You've waited for someone for so long.
That one person you dream about
The one person you think about
The one person youd die for

But what keeps you going?

I've waited for so long that it's hard to tell the difference between sunrise and sunset..

But what keeps you going?

Hatred?
Longing?
Hope that shouldn't exist?

Or the thought of Love?
What does Love mean though?

I'd have to feel something between us..
Something like hopeless affection..
Enchanted Love..
Drowning deeply in lust..

Problem is though.. Love is a tough thing to get to..
It's not because it hurts..
It's because the last thing you ever see from a person is their heart.

Which means that you have to stay and pound through walls of insecurities and slash through uncertanties to find the Love that is, or isn't, there..

Alot of times you'll get hurt,
and alot of times you'll hurt them..

But it's not about how hard you can hit..
It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward..

But although this world is in a rush..
You have to just wait patiently until you are the best you can be,
Because when you are the best you can be, when you have the most to offer, you'll find the best you can imagine..

And hopefully you'll find the one to watch sunsets with and think, this beauty we are witnessing right now, is what you are to me..

So how long do you think you can wait?

Chau <3

The Dark Pits of Hell

Guys..
We may look tough, or sweet, or sensitive, or loving on the outside, but do you really know who is inside?

No one knows who i am
They know certain parts of me
The parts i wish them to know
I act stupid in front of some people, most probably so they don't suspect me of being too bright.
I act smart in front of others, so they know what im capable of.
But only i know everything about me
Everyone knows a portion of me
But no one knows the true me
Everyone has their demons
Guys tend to get rid of them in different ways
Some buy a house in the middle of no where to be in peace
Some find themselves a nice quiet place and just die
Others go to the sopping centre with a fully loaded sub-machine gun and kill everyone in sight.

Only ive walked through the chilly depths of my mind
I keep my demons inside
Because if anything ever escaped
It wouldnt end well for anyone
I'm capable of alot.

Reminds me of Naruto actually..
I'm sure you know the story but if you don't,
He's a kid who was born as a vesel for a demon that destroyed his whole village
The demon ends up trapped inside of him
Sort of like a cage
But if naruto is close to death or his emotional levels go through the roof about something, the demon escapes slowly
And then it becomes difficult to hold him back from escaping, and temporarily
Naruto becomes the demon himself and only knows destruction.
Thats basically me
exept my demons are only feelings
experiences
memories
deceipts
romances
enemies
killings
gangs
drugs
money
family..

No one knows my past.
No one knows my contacts.
No one knows my family.
No one knows my relatives.
No one knows my friends.
No one knows my dangers.

But me.

Chau <3