WHY?! D:

Right when im on the verge of being prepared to give up all hope on you, you treat me like im everything!

It's just the one thing i need to know,
The one thing i've longed for,
The one thing i want.

THE ANSWER!!!

I want to know if you want me or not because im overthinking about you and its tearing me apart!
I want to know where i stand on this desolate plain, so i know if i go towards the light or the darkness.

I just need to know...

Chau <3





I hate loving you so much.. But I love you too much to hate..

It's so hard falling in love with someone who hardly could care less about you..

That person you think about every day and night..
That person you want to forget but can't..
That person you want to hate for not loving you back, but can't..

What happens when you tell them and they say its so sweet and blah blah blah but then just go back to the same old routine of pretending you dont exist.

Love is a bitch..
When you get it right it's wonderous, it's amazing, it's wonderful, it makes you so happy..
But that's only when it's shared.

If you are the only one in love, it hurts..
Rejection
Anxiety
Anger
Forced forgivenes..

I say forced because you don't really have a choice now do you?
No, because

a) They didn't really do anything wrong
b) You only made yourself angry by overthinking
c) Love is a forceful bitch.

Is it god who made me love you?
Is it just my animal instinct?
Or is it that we are a perfect match although you can't see it..?

I guess i can understand though..
Must be hard to even WANT to love someone who is on the other side of the world right?

Ehh.. This sucks.

 

Chau <3

Waiting

You've waited for someone for so long.
That one person you dream about
The one person you think about
The one person youd die for

But what keeps you going?

I've waited for so long that it's hard to tell the difference between sunrise and sunset..

But what keeps you going?

Hatred?
Longing?
Hope that shouldn't exist?

Or the thought of Love?
What does Love mean though?

I'd have to feel something between us..
Something like hopeless affection..
Enchanted Love..
Drowning deeply in lust..

Problem is though.. Love is a tough thing to get to..
It's not because it hurts..
It's because the last thing you ever see from a person is their heart.

Which means that you have to stay and pound through walls of insecurities and slash through uncertanties to find the Love that is, or isn't, there..

Alot of times you'll get hurt,
and alot of times you'll hurt them..

But it's not about how hard you can hit..
It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward..

But although this world is in a rush..
You have to just wait patiently until you are the best you can be,
Because when you are the best you can be, when you have the most to offer, you'll find the best you can imagine..

And hopefully you'll find the one to watch sunsets with and think, this beauty we are witnessing right now, is what you are to me..

So how long do you think you can wait?

Chau <3

The Dark Pits of Hell

Guys..
We may look tough, or sweet, or sensitive, or loving on the outside, but do you really know who is inside?

No one knows who i am
They know certain parts of me
The parts i wish them to know
I act stupid in front of some people, most probably so they don't suspect me of being too bright.
I act smart in front of others, so they know what im capable of.
But only i know everything about me
Everyone knows a portion of me
But no one knows the true me
Everyone has their demons
Guys tend to get rid of them in different ways
Some buy a house in the middle of no where to be in peace
Some find themselves a nice quiet place and just die
Others go to the sopping centre with a fully loaded sub-machine gun and kill everyone in sight.

Only ive walked through the chilly depths of my mind
I keep my demons inside
Because if anything ever escaped
It wouldnt end well for anyone
I'm capable of alot.

Reminds me of Naruto actually..
I'm sure you know the story but if you don't,
He's a kid who was born as a vesel for a demon that destroyed his whole village
The demon ends up trapped inside of him
Sort of like a cage
But if naruto is close to death or his emotional levels go through the roof about something, the demon escapes slowly
And then it becomes difficult to hold him back from escaping, and temporarily
Naruto becomes the demon himself and only knows destruction.
Thats basically me
exept my demons are only feelings
experiences
memories
deceipts
romances
enemies
killings
gangs
drugs
money
family..

No one knows my past.
No one knows my contacts.
No one knows my family.
No one knows my relatives.
No one knows my friends.
No one knows my dangers.

But me.

Chau <3

Feelings Can't express you Enough Through Words but They can Try

The first moment we met. She's short. She's cute. She's pretty beautiful. She's one year younger.

The more i got to know you. She's smart. She's funny. She's kind of a badass.

More still. She can be independant but prefers to have a man to hold her in his arms and for her to rely on.

Feelings grew more and more the more i got to know you and the more that there was nothing that i didnt like about you. At the beach you were kind of shy at first, but you were soon in the water playing around with me. Out of the water you were freezing. I grabbed the only towel we had and draped it over your shoulders. As i rubbed your arms to try to warm you up you looked into my eyes with the deepest, clearest, brightest, green/ silver ive ever seen. You shivered and watched me with those puppy dog eyes as i continued to rub your arms.

Before I could react, you opened the towel and wrapped it around me too. As we hugged inside the towel, your shivering slowly subsided but you continued to hug me. Youre slightly badass at times but in my arms you felt like a kitten.

Inside the car on the way to your house you slowly grabbed my right arm lightly with both hands, then rested your head upon my shoulder. I put my right hand across your body to your other shoulder and laid my head on yours. We didn't speak but just enjoyed each other's embrace.

I lifted my head off yours but maintained my arm around you. You then lifted your head and your magnificent eyes asked, "What's wrong?" With my left hand i slowly lifted your chin a little more and as i got close you closed your eyes. Then something that doesnt usually happen to me occured. Before i knew it, my eyes were closed too. As our lips befriended each other, our timid tongues slowly met and the fiery passion began intertwining.

The car stopped abruptly and broke our link. Our eyes didnt open for a few seconds though. I looked outside the window and realised it was your hosue. I looked back into your eyes and saw that you had the same opinion.

Not yet..

You looked down and then back up at me and said in an angelic voice, "Have a safe flight,"

Then with almost a tinge of sadness you added, "See you in two years."

You opened the car door and stepped out. As you closed the door and started walking to your house you stopped. You turned around to look at me and smiled with a delicate look in your eyes.

The driver drove. The romance parted.

Until next time..

Chau <3

Mi Hogar

You'll always be my home. The one I cheer for. The one I miss. The one i ove. The one i have a football team from.

Uruguay is my first love and no one will take it away from me. The light blue of Uruguay will always come before my favourite colours.

Almost all of my first loves, major romancse, and things which affected me deeply come from Uruguay. Also my family. Which i see every two years for a very very short time. It sucks.

The stay is long, but it feels all too short when i have to go. The goodbyes were short. Hug, hug, hug, bye. New romance, bye. Other three romances, bye. The fun is over for another two years. I wonder where two years will take us.

Why don't you let me go Uruguay? You delay my flight back to Australia for 4 more hours. Is it for me to call someone and say goodbye?
Is it because you want me to enjoy home for a little more?
Is it because you can feel from the other side of the world the emptiness in my heart from the longing i have to be here?
Is it because you wanted me to see that fight in the airport? I thought it was immature to watch but the crowd was there for 25 minutes. The entertainment of the fight brushed its dangerous fingers through my hair but i resisted with sheer willpower. Its wicked smile quickly turned into flaming fury as i continued to resist the urge to watch. I almost went. But my lazyness overpowered the lure as i didnt want to have to find a seat again when the fight was finished. As a reward, i gained an even better seat that someone left to go watch the fight.
Or is it just because you want me to enjoy life a little more becuase im going to die on this plane?

Uruguay your arms are accepting. Your love is furious. Your heart is lion like. Your buzum is warm and has accepted me as your son. Your smile shines with the warmth of the sun. No matter where i am,

Siempre sera Uruguayo.

Chau <3

Is it Better to Win the Battle or the War?

If there was a girl you see only every 2 years for a month or so, and you had a strong spark and past, which would you pick?

She doesn't come to visit you this time around until the final 10 minutes before you leave. She has a boyfriend this time though, but when she comes to see you she acts on the spark part on not the friendship part. She's always been timid and was shy to come see you because of her boyfriend. She doesn't say this but you know.

She says sorry about not coming to see you this time. Would you take the stupid option which lets you get one good psychological hit in, or would you put aside your pride just this once and get a prize?

The psychological hit is to respond with, "Yeah, because you've been spending all your time with your boyfriend." Completely idiotic, makes you look stupid, and also ruins your chance with this girl. But you got to say what you wanted.

The other option is to say that it's fine. Not mentioning her boyfriend at all would also be part of your approach as you know that she won't mention him either. This option will end in getting pashed by her,but what you wanted to get off your chest will remain unsaid.

I've made my decision.

It was difficult.

What would you have done?

Chau <3